What happens when a child falls in love with a shiny new toy at the toy store and begs mom or dad to buy it but mom or dad refuses? A temper-tantrum. What happens when an adult applies for his or her dream job and doesn’t get it? A temper-tantrum?  It’s quite possible. You can take the human out of the playpen (hopefully) but you can’t take the humanity out of the human.

When things don’t go our way we get upset, frustrated, mad and stressed causing our mindset to crossover into dangerous terrain. Thoughts are the basis for emotions. Emotions are nothing more than the colors, which paint the landscape of life. I was at an audition the other day; I got a call back (that’s half the battle right there) and my performance at the call back was nothing short of “fierce” (inserting some shameless self promotion here). Indeed, I was crushed when I did not get this job. As a dancer, it’s best to avoid setting up any sort of expectations despite how awesome your performance was (yea…good luck with that); but let’s be honest, if I didn’t think I had a chance why would I throw myself into the grind yet again and even bother to show up at the audition? As I reflect on the outcome of this particular experience, I am forced to ask myself “Why am I so attached to the outcome?” The results of this audition didn’t change my life in the grand scheme of things so why the hell am I still dwelling on it?

Welcome to raga or attachment, the third of the five kleshas. Kleshas are afflictions of the mind. They are the cause of our mental and physical suffering. We experience raga daily and in many forms. Society dumps expectations, often arbitrarily, on all of us and these pressures coupled with expectations from our own deranged misperceptions of the world induce desires. When desires are not met, suffering occurs. Logical right? Easy to understand intellectually, but actually being able to successfully internalize this and LIVE IT is a totally different beast altogether. Dancers, in particular severely suffer from ragas. When compared to a painter or a photographer or a designer dancers rank near the bottom for their inability to handle rejection precisely because dance is a craft that appears indivisible from the physical self.  It’s nearly impossible, especially in the dancer’s mind, to separate the dance, from the dancer. Because the dancing is inextricably linked to the dancer’s concept of self, rejection is amplified and somehow equates to (in the frenzied mind of a perfectionist dancer) not being good enough as an artist and as a person. Only time reveals the distinct separation between the experience (the audition) and the idea of self. In the meantime, I remind myself I am extremely fortunate to be able to do what I love, love what I do and to do it well. This will have to suffice for now.